The myths of BDSM

The myths of BDSM

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The myths of BDSM can be so misleading and often are only lies told that has nothing to do with BDSM at all. It is predatory, abusive behavior that people use to abuse young or inexperienced people interested in BDSM.

Yes, BDSM has different elements to vanilla relationships, but the relationship is the same, no matter whether it is kinky or vanilla. A relationship is built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect for your partner. That is how all relationships and made and meant to grow regardless if it is a vanilla relationship, poly, or involves BDSM.

Some of the myths of BDSM and lies that are told when new people seek out mainly Doms, and the reason I point out Doms is that unfortunately, it is usually Doms that are sought out by new submissives.  Many men are pretending to be Doms, and they hide behind the guise of BDSM to be abusive, cheating, and lying partners.

Some of the myths of BDSM and lies told are just straight-up red flags and if they try to use any of these with you, run.

  • BDSM training –  There is no such thing as BDSM training; there is no certificate, there is no prom. You could meet a mentor or a Dom that will guide you or assist you in researching, learning, and understanding BDSM. However, all these things can be done on your own, and you can read books like The New Bottoming book or The New Topping Book. You can sign up for local classes or even online classes if you are interested in specific activities like Shibari. You do not have to submit to anyone and do anything you don’t want to do. There is no BDSM school; BDSM is what you want to make of it. There is no right and wrong way, and there is no rule book.
  • Monogamy – This is something that you discuss and negotiate in the beginning. I have heard of countless inexperienced submissives whose Doms have told them, they can’t have any sexual partners. Yet, the Dom can have as many submissives partners as they want or sleep with whoever they wish to until you are collared or whatever other bullshit excuse they use. NO, you are polyamorous, or you aren’t; there is no in-between. Don’t change who you are to suit someone that is trying to deceive you.
  • Lying – Lying is a major red flag regardless of what their excuse is. They lie because they think you are naïve and that they can either talk themselves out of the situation or justify it understand some BDSM guise. BDSM is all about trust, and if there are any lies at the beginning of your dynamic or relationship, it will only worsen. If you can’t trust what someone says to you, how can you trust them with your physical and mental safety during a scene or submission?

These three topics are all major flags, and if you are a new inexperienced submissive, there will be predatory, abusive Doms looking to use and abuse you. The most important thing to remember as a submissive is that you have the power. Submission can not be taken from you, it has to be earned by your Dom, and you decide when you will and if you will submit. You are in control, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

These are some of the myths of BDSM but there are so many more lies that are told, always trust you gut.

Some of the myths of BDSM and lies told are just straight-up red flags and if they try to use any of these with you, run.

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