The confidence I gained from BDSM
BDSM had been likened to perversion and sexual deviants for decades, many knew about it, but few discussed it openly due to the social perception of BDSM. Thankfully, things have changed, and it has become slightly more mainstream, and more people are open to discussing it.
What is BDSM?
BDSM has some wordplay behind it, so let us break it down. B/D (bondage and discipline), D/S (Dominance and submission), and S/M (sadism and masochism); some people even believe that S/M could mean slave/Master. It is used to describe varying types of kink, sex, or role-play. BDSM covers a vast range of activities, behaviors, fetishes, and desires.
I have always been open-minded about sex and somehow seemed to shock everyone around me when I tried to talk about it openly. I never intended to shock people but basically just learn and understand it. That’s when I realized it was taboo and something you should NEVER talk about, WTF?
I went through some very abusive relationships before I found BDSM and my voice. Previously in past relationships, every time I spoke up or asked for something, it wouldn’t go down well, so to suddenly be in a BDSM dynamic where I am expected to use my voice, I didn’t know how to. I realized that no matter your role in your dynamic, you have a voice and play a part in the dynamic.
It took me time to realize that using my safeword wouldn’t end in a beating; telling my partner what I wanted wouldn’t end in them gaslighting me. By using my voice, I was able to learn about myself and my desires. My safeword helped me understand what my limits were, where my boundaries were.
BDSM taught me how to trust, something I honestly didn’t know of before. To be yourself around someone without being judged or shamed for what you want to try. Not only is it freeing but so more pleasurable in a scene.
In a healthy BDSM dynamic or relationship, you will learn how to trust your partner and yourself, and you will realize that you are equals no matter what your power exchange. You will learn to take responsibility for yourself and your relationship.
My BDSM relationships taught me how to heal by using my voice and taking responsibility for what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I learned that saying stop or slow down was a good thing for my partner and me as it built so much trust up between us.
BDSM had been likened to perversion and sexual deviants for decades, many knew about it, but few discussed it openly due to the social perception of BDSM. Thankfully, things have changed, and it has become slightly more mainstream, and more people are open to discussing it.