How to add BDSM into vanilla relationships
To bring BDSM into a vanilla relationship is entirely possible; however, it will take time, patience, and giving your partner enough space.
Many kinksters out there will openly discuss their kinks and fetishes with like-minded friends and partners. This is, however, not always the case in some relationships. You might have met someone who is vanilla, fell in love, and maybe had great vanilla sex initially. Still, now as the relationship progresses, you are releasing that you are missing a sexual element as the sex has become mundane.
You are not the first person to experience this, nor will you be the last person to deal with this. Many people get anxious about discussing this with their partners, which is entirely understandable. It can be challenging to bare yourself, revealing your fantasies, kinks, and fetishes. However, if you want to bring BDSM into a vanilla relationship, this is a conversation you need to have.
The only way to see if your partner is into any kinks is to discuss it, and you can bring up little things at first like spanking or some dirty talk, see how your partner responds and whether they like it. Another way to open the conversation up is to watch a show or movie with BDSM elements; Bonding is a fun comedy centered around BDSM, and it could be a way to discuss BDSM and kinks. You need to talk to your partner, and they won’t know what you need unless you tell them and guide them.
Your partner more than likely has a few kinks and fetishes but could either be “hiding” them or trying to suppress them out of fear of being judged or pushed away.
Many people have kinks that go against everything they have been taught growing up, like not to sexualize women, not to hit or verbally abuse your partner, and not to urinate on anyone. Some kinks can even go against how you were brought up religiously; however, this does not change the fact that you have these thoughts and urges.
It is always worth discussing and exploring kinks and fetishes with your partner, but do it slowly. Don’t throw the whole bag of sex toys at them at once; start with small elements and gradually introduce different items or role-playing ideas.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out; some people are not interested in kinks or exploring that side of themselves; this is something you can not force upon a partner. Remember, the first rule of BDSM is mutual consent. If your partner is not interested in your kinks or fetishes, you are left with a choice to make, and sometimes you can not bring BDSM into a vanilla relationship.
People don’t often change their minds regarding kinks and fetishes; if they think it’s wrong or weird, you will need to keep your relationship in the vanilla lane. This is where you need to decide whether you love this person enough to give your kink and stay with them or whether it is best to part ways. Do you need your sexual needs and wants to be fulfilled, or can you live without them?
You can attempt to bring BDSM into a vanilla relationship if both partners are willing. Don’t give up on your relationship too quickly, but bear in mind sexual compatibility is essential in relationships; if you are bored now, you will have a dead bedroom in the years to come.
You are not the first person to experience this, nor will you be the last person to deal with this. Many people get anxious about discussing this with their partners, which is entirely understandable. It can be challenging to bare yourself, revealing your fantasies, kinks, and fetishes. However, if you want to bring BDSM into a vanilla relationship, this is a conversation you need to have.