To push past boundaries and limits

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To push past boundaries and limits

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To push past boundaries and limits takes time and a lot of trust in your partner. It is not something you do when you have just met someone or recently entered into a dynamic, and it should not even be considered if you are new to the BDSM lifestyle.

As people get into a new dynamic, NRE or even sub-frenzy can often cloud their judgment. They will often downplay their limits or boundaries to experience a scene with their new partner, which could ultimately affect them as a couple and definitely affect the relationship.

You need first to build up trust with a partner; it takes time to trust someone. This is why safewords are so crucial at the beginning of a relationship or dynamic. It helps you understand how your partner will deal with it later in the relationship. The same goes for limits and boundaries; we all have limits and boundaries in relationships and dynamics.

Having limits and boundaries does not mean you are not willing to test them or push them later on in the relationship; it is a way for your partner to learn more about you. They will pick up on your reactions, the sounds you make, and how your body moves during specific activities or scenes. It is all about the subtle clues, and with time push past boundaries and limits.

As your relationship or dynamic progress, you will notice that you use safewords less as your partner now knows how far they can push you without you safewording out. To me, this is the ultimate goal in any dynamic or relationship, where both partners trust the other explicitly; in order to let go and know that they won’t push you further than you want to go.

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The same applies if you want to push past your own boundaries and limits, all boundaries and limits need to be discussed openly and honestly. As the dynamic develops, you will become more comfortable testing your limits. Boundaries and limits constantly change in dynamics and relationships as partners learn and trust each other. So what was once a hard limit could now essentially be an added kink in the dynamic.

Don’t be overzealous and jump into something without knowing who you are and what you like. Get to know yourself and know what you consider boundaries and limits. Write them down somewhere so that you can add or remove the boundaries and limits as you explore more of yourself.

I know of several couples that no longer have boundaries or limits with their partner and have not used safewords in years, yet they still continue to explore new kinks with each other. They believe that trust and knowing your partner will help them understand each other more through their body language.

Many people are against this and believe that this is a violation, and it goes against everything in BDSM.  BDSM does not have a rule book, it is what you make of it as long as it’s safe, consensual, and you both get something out of it.

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Having limits and boundaries does not mean you are not willing to test them or push them later on in the relationship; it is a way for your partner to learn more about you. They will pick up on your reactions, the sounds you make, and how your body moves during specific activities or scenes. It is all about the subtle clues, and with time push past boundaries and limits.

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