Self-care and BDSM

Self-care is something we all have to do when adulting. Making decisions in life and deciding what our goals are and how to achieve them forms part of self-care as an adult, and with mental health has become more prevalent over the last few years, you realize that some people need more support than others.

Now I always talk about how I view BDSM dynamics and relationships as more intense. Both partners are connected on a deeper level as you often reveal your deepest darkest fantasies to each other, and at times role play them or incorporate it into your dynamic or relationship. This is usually something you will unlikely do in a vanilla relationship where kink-shaming, unfortunately, is a thing.

I do, however, take issue with extreme co-dependency, especially on the submissives side. I am all for supporting each other in becoming a better version of yourself, but there seems to be an online trend whether submissive are looking for someone to make all their decisions for them. Having rules in place to eat or take your medication, I even saw a post where a Dom was able to convince his submissive to have two showers a week as opposed to one shower a week. I mean, come on, if your personal hygiene is up to shit, you need to fix it yourself. These are decisions and choices you need to make for yourself; you can not rely on someone else to make essential choices for you; this is something you need to do yourself.

A partner can help motivate you to live a healthy life by eating healthy food and including some exercise in your lifestyle. If this is something you want, by all means, but having someone tell you to brush your teeth or have a shower more than once a week seems to me like you need to work on yourself before you consider a BDSM type relationship. Being a Dom in a relationship can be trying at times, and constantly having to check that your submissive is doing their everyday tasks must be exhausting. This will eventually become detrimental to the dynamic and will ultimately be the reason the relationship ends.

However, what bothers me the most is if the relationship or dynamic was to end, how will the submissive cope without someone constantly reminding them to eat, take their medicines, or shower? Self-care is something that only you can do and hold yourself responsible for in your life.

It would be best if you were to function on your own without someone giving you rules or tasks on how to care for yourself; there are apps available so that you can set up daily routines for yourself that would include eating, medication, and personal hygiene. I would also suggest therapy, and it is essential to remember, as cliché as it sounds, that you can not expect someone to love you if you can’t love yourself.

Self-care is something we all have to do when adulting. Making decisions in life and deciding what our goals are and how to achieve them forms part of self-care as an adult, and with mental health has become more prevalent over the last few years, you realize that some people need more support than others.