How to deal with Sub Drop

What causes sub drop

How to deal with Sub Drop

Sub drop is a term used in the BDSM community. During a scene or activity, the body creates copious amounts of hormones, like adrenalin and endorphins that elevate the scene or activity, in a sense creating a natural high from the recent or current sexual experience.

However, as Isaac Newton proved, what goes up must come down.

Generally, after a scene or activity, aftercare is given to the submissive. Aftercare helps normalize emotions and feelings. The dominant will use touch and affirmations to comfort the submissive. Other activities like taking a bath or shower together; eating and hydrating;  watching a series, or journaling all fall under the aftercare routine. Aftercare depends on an individual’s needs and what the dynamic agreed on beforehand. Frequently discuss aftercare routines to make sure both parties are still happy and fulfilled. If either partner has any concerns, these can be dealt with quickly.


Sub drop can happen anytime, even after aftercare. It might happen after a few hours or even a few days later. You will suddenly feel helpless and alone; you will question whether it is worth having this dynamic or even participating in the BDSM realm. Some submissives might experience suicidal thoughts; if this does happen, tell your dominant immediately so that they can help you through the sub drop.

Sub drop is a real thing; you have nothing to be ashamed of when this happens. We have all experienced it at least once. It is a challenging headspace to be in, and I know this from personal experience. However, it will pass, and you will be back to your usual self after a few hours.

You can journal about your feelings and emotions. Write about your dominant and why your dynamic works for both of you. Write about all the things that are good in your relationship and what you enjoy. All of these things will further help you if you experience sub drop. It is your personal encouragement that will help you through it and help you process.

Unfortunately, dominants are not always present when sub drop happens. Sub drop can even occur after aftercare. Your Dom is there to help you; get in touch and tell them what is happening and let them be part of your recovery. This will helps strengthen your dynamic and build trust.

Everyone needs a little more attention and care sometimes. Most BDSM relationships are more substantial than vanilla relationships; there is a lot more trust and communication involved, creating a more profound connection shared.

If you experience sub drop and your dominant cannot help you, or you feel foolish telling them about it. There are many communities out there that can offer support and comfort.


Photo by Mishal Ibrahim on Unsplash

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