BDSM and Aftercare

BDSM aftercare is a necessity after play or a scene. All subs need aftercare from their Doms and vice versa. A scene or form of play can be very strenuous on an individual emotionally, physically, and psychologically. We all need aftercare.

What is aftercare?

Aftercare means different things to different people and their dynamics. Aftercare can last anything from a few minutes to several hours depending on the scene and what the sub and Dom/me need afterward. Aftercare is a way of making sure both parties are okay and back to normal; often, physical contact and assurance is necessary

In a scene, there will be spikes in adrenalin and endorphins that could have a lasting effect after a scene. These highs can easily lead to a fall called “drop or sub drop,” aftercare helps “cushion” or prevent the fall.

Sub Drop can have varying effects on individuals, some of the “common” sub drop symptoms are listed below:

• Fatigue or insomnia
• Depression, anxiety, and feeling worthless or hopeless
• Loss of appetite
• Feeling indecisive and unable to concentrate
• Suicidal thoughts
• Aches and pains

I continuously mention communication because communication is essential in a BDSM dynamic or relationship. It might be difficult initially, but it will be worth it as the dynamic/ relationship progresses. You always discuss your needs regarding your kinks with your partner, you will agree on a safeword for a scene, and equally as important is the discussion of aftercare.

You might not know what your BDSM aftercare needs are in the beginning, they will definitely change with time, but if you and your partner discuss this, you will be able to find your perfect fit.

Aftercare can range from varying things; below are a few standard aftercare ideas and practices,

• Remove all scene gear and accessories
• Move to a comfortable area, i.e., off the floor onto a bed
• Offer reassurance and praise
• Soft and gentle words from a Dom making sure the sub is in a positive headspace
• Hugs and cuddling
• Warm bath or shower afterward applying lotion to affected areas
• Eating and hydrating
• Watching a movie, show, or listening to music
• Often a partner needs alone time to regroup, reflect or meditate

Some of the above suggestions are commonly used; however, it depends on your partner’s needs and how you can make your partner feel safe and secure after a scene. There is no right or wrong action in aftercare; all that is important is that there is aftercare and reassurance. We are all unique in our wants and needs, and the same rules apply in BDSM aftercare. What works for one individual will not necessarily work for another person. Still, with constant communication, you and your partner will find the correct aftercare routine that works for both of you. It might be frustrating at first. However, it will lead to amazing scenes down the line.

Aftercare means different things to different people and their dynamics. Aftercare can last anything from a few minutes to several hours depending on the scene and what the sub and Dom/me need afterward. Aftercare is a way of making sure both parties are okay and back to normal; often, physical contact and assurance is necessary