How to become Dominant
So you have realized you want to be Dominant, now the real work starts. Unfortunately, being a Dom/me takes a lot more knowledge than just saying the words out aloud. There are many different types of Dominants in BDSM, and with time you will realize what kind of Dom you are.
The first thing you need to be sure of is, are you a Dominant or a Switch?
There are many switches out there, and being a switch is a lot of fun. However, many submissives want a Dominant, not a switch. I have seen countless stories of a Dom/me actually being a switch and having their submissive “Dom” them. Submissives firstly don’t like this, as they want to be controlled, not be in control. It will cause a riff down the line and strain the dynamic, make sure you are Dominant if you are going to refer to yourself as a Dom.
Knowledge is power, research and read as much as you possibly can. Books worth reading, The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, The Heart of Dominance, and SM 101: A realistic introduction. The more you learn, the more confident you will become as a Dom. Dominance comes from within, and it can not be taught because you need to find it inside yourself. You can learn more about becoming your best version of a dominant. Find online communities where you can communicate and learn from other dominants.
It is also important to remember that you don’t have to be dominant all the time; this is exhausting and will have a negative impact on you mentally and physically, pick days or times when you are in Dom/me mode. As exciting as 24/7 seems, it is not always possible; we all have lives and responsibilities.
When you start looking for a submissive, take the time to get to know them and make sure your kinks align. We all want to try certain kinks; however, some people, however, cannot participate in all types of activities as it might not be their thing, which is perfectly normal. Even you as a dominant will have hard and soft limits, and you must also have a safeword. Safewords are not just for submissives. Do not participate in activities or scenes you are uncomfortable with; Dom drop is real, and it will sometimes affect you sometimes if you push past your boundaries or limits.
As a dominant, it is essential always to respect your submissive’s boundaries and your own boundaries and make sure to have enough aftercare for both of you. You, as a dominant, will also need aftercare. This does not make you weaker. You are human, after all, and need assurance and affirmation just like any other human being.
As your dynamic evolves with your submissive, re-evaluate your needs and goals as a dynamic. Communication is essential and will help you become better partners when you push each other’s limits further.
Lastly, don’t use Christian Grey from 50 shades as a role model. Stalking and coercion is illegal and creepy. Don’t be that domineering asshole that thinks they can make anyone do what they want. A submissive is your equal and a person. A submissive will decide when they want to give you their submission, you can not take it.
It is also important to remember that you don’t have to be dominant all the time; this is exhausting and will have a negative impact on you mentally and physically, pick days or times when you are in Dom/me mode. As exciting as 24/7 seems, it is not always possible; we all have lives and responsibilities.