What is a good Dom/me
Many people ask what a good Dom/me is and where to find one; like everything else in life, it takes time and patience. Unfortunately, you can’t just go to a store and pick one up; I wish it were that easy.
Some people are lucky enough to start exploring BDSM as a couple, so they already have a partner that will more than likely be a good Dom/me to them. That is, however, not always the case with everyone; sometimes, you realize what a douche you are dating.
When looking for a good Dom/me, the first thing to remember is that you are a human being and need to be treated like one, but it is essential to remember a Dom/me is also a human being and should also be treated that way; as fun as the idea is to be used as a sex toy. None of us want to be treated this way all day long. We all have lives and responsibilities; it is impossible to be a 24/7 kink dispenser.
So when you start your journey into BDSM, and you feel you know enough about it to want to explore it with a Dom/me, don’t just go hunting for a Dom/me. You are looking for a person, yes, there will be kink involved, but you will also need a connection outside of the dynamic. The general rule of thumb, good people, make good Dom/me’s, shitty people make for shitty Dom/me’s.
Before getting into a dynamic with a Dom/me, first, make sure that they are a good person and you can genuinely see this as a person you want to spend time with outside of BDSM.
A good Dom/me is a person who wants to help you experience your submissive side and explore your kinks. A good Dom/me connects with you personally, sexually, and emotionally. They care about what your mindset is before, during, and after a scene. They pay attention to what you need from a scene versus what they can get from you. They want to give you the release you need without you having to ask for it.
You can find a Dom/me quickly in real life or online, but it takes time to build up trust and get to know one another on a level where you can communicate openly with each other. It takes time; this is someone that is going to guide you and help you explore things you have only dreamed of or read about, don’t rush this process. You don’t have to explore your kinks on the first day or week, and anyone that pushes you that way is not a good Dom/me.
You will only find a good Dom/me if you put the time and effort into a new dynamic or relationship, don’t rush into BDSM until you know who the person is behind the mask. A Dom/me is responsible for your mental and physical health; if you have any doubts or feel that something is off, step back and either talk it through or walk away. Don’t do anything you don’t want to just to please someone.
A good Dom/me won’t say “Don’t you trust me” or “Just trust me,” let alone, “Do it for me.”
There are good people and bad people in this world. Take your time, trust your gut and make sure you like the person before entering into a dynamic. Only you will know if they are good at the end of the day.
So when you start your journey into BDSM, and you feel you know enough about it to want to explore it with a Dom/me, don’t just go hunting for a Dom/me. You are looking for a person, yes, there will be kink involved, but you will also need a connection outside of the dynamic. The general rule of thumb, good people, make good Dom/me’s, shitty people make for shitty Dom/me’s.