Not all submissives are masochists.
It seems newbie submissives are often under the impression that all submissives are masochists; this is, however, further from the truth. The most important thing to remember as a submissive, especially if you are a newbie, is that your submission is a gift you give to a Dom/me.
BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. You do not have to participate in all of the above definitions of BDSM. Not all submissives are masochists, and if you don’t enjoy or want pain, you should not include impact play into your dynamic.
As a newbie submissive, I do understand that you don’t always know what kinks you really enjoy and whether you might enjoy impact play. This is usually where a decent Dom/me will start trying different types of scenes to understand your kinks.
It is essential to always agree on safewords before engaging in a scene or opt to use the traffic light system. Sometimes, during a scene, you might forget your safeword and just say stop. This needs to be discussed beforehand as well, and stop should always be a word that your partner listens to, especially with a new partner to BDSM.
If you, as a submissive, are unsure as to whether you might enjoy impact play, I would suggest starting off slowly initially and having your Dom/me try out different implements. First, start with spankings; this is always an excellent way to determine if you might be into impact play; after that, you can try floggers, paddles and move on to other implements.
When it comes to pain threshold testing, your Dom/me will start off lightly. It will generally be discussed beforehand as to how you will “judge” every spank/flogging or caning. Typically you will call out a number between 1 and 10, and this will be your way of rating the pain you are experiencing. This will also help your Dom/me understand your limits and how high your pain threshold is. Never push yourself past your own limits or boundaries just to please your Dom/me.
In BDSM, a submissive and Dominant should have similar kinks. You can not learn to tolerate pain if this is not something you enjoy, and by allowing it to happen, you are enabling your Dominant to “abuse” you. Always be honest with your Dom/me; as with all relationships, BDSM is built on trust. You need to trust your Dom/me won’t hurt and will stop if you safeword, but your Dom/me also needs to trust that you will tell if you don’t share a kink.
Always do your research and make sure you know what your limits and boundaries are. There are, unfortunately, many predators out there that use BDSM as an excuse to abuse submissives, especially newbie submissives that believe them when they say, “This is all part of BDSM or all submissives are masochists.”
BDSM is an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. You do not have to participate in all of the above definitions of BDSM. Not all submissives are masochists, and if you don’t enjoy or want pain, you should not include impact play into your dynamic.