New to being a Dom/me

If you are new to being a Dom/me, it can be very exciting thinking of the harem of slaves you will have at your beck and call, having them how and when you want them. There is more to it, though, and even though the fantasy might be exciting, rarely will you come across someone who has a harem of slaves or submissives.

If you are new to being a Dom/me, you have a lot of work ahead of you before you can claim to be a Dom/me. Dom/me’s have some shared traits that often help them become the Dom/me they believe themselves to be.

Dom/me’s are assertive; they know what they want and how they want it.  You need to be able to set rules and be willing to enforce them if necessary. When you are assertive, you also showcase your self-confidence, which is a must if you are a Dom/me. No submissive wants to be with a Dom/me that isn’t sure of themselves and worries what others might think or say.

If you don’t have self-confidence and assertiveness mastered yet, create a persona that you believe you can eventually embody and fake it until you become the Dom/me you want to be.

Understanding BDSM will be critical to your Dom and sub relationship, and communication is key in BDSM. You need to be able to communicate openly and honestly with your submissive and encourage them to do the same with you. It is essential to understand each other’s limits and boundaries, and communication is vital in a D/s dynamic. You need to know that your submissive will take to you about anything and trust that they will use their safeword, and this is only achieved when you communicate correctly.

As a Dom/me, you are responsible for setting rules or tasks and making sure you follow through with any agreed-upon punishments or rewards. You are also responsible for your dynamic, and you are also responsible for your submissives’ physical safety and emotional well-being. Depending on your dynamic, you and your submissive might have shared kinks like impact play, shibari, or even humiliation. Your submissive is your equal and should be treated that way outside of a scene; your submissive ultimately holds all the power and can revoke consent anytime.

As a new Dom/me, take the time to learn about your kinks. Power is knowledge, especially if you want to be that person in power. Read as much as you can, take online or IRL classes based on your kinks. Join local communities, clubs so that you can learn and absorb as much as possible. Being a Dom/me entails more than just getting your rocks off.

If you are new to being a Dom/me, you have a lot of work ahead of you before you can claim to be a Dom/me. Dom/me’s have some shared traits that often help them become the Dom/me they believe themselves to be.