Love bombing, what is it exactly?
Love bombing is an emotional form of manipulation, a tactic mostly used by narcissists to lure you into their web. They will use flattery, admiration, mirroring, and compliments to draw you into a relationship with them. They shower you with affection, gifts, and “love” to get you to fall for them.
All new relationships are fun and exciting; you get butterflies when you see or speak to your new potential partner. There is the anticipated promise of a new romantic relationship, often making you giddy. You might have had terrible tinder experiences or have been ghosted one too many times, and suddenly you think this is the person you have been waiting for all along. They are always in contact with you giving you the validation you so badly want.
However, not all new encounters are as they seem; love bombing can be mistaken for the honeymoon phase.
The honeymoon phase is where you are intently interested in learning about your new partner, their likes and dislikes, and what they are interested in, and of course, the romance. Love bombing is about creating dependency and idealization, ultimately resulting in control. Love Bombers want and need to impress so that there is admiration and recognition for what they are doing and how “wonderful” they are.
However, love bombing is the start of an abusive relationship, no matter how wonderful and romantic it might seem in the beginning. Love bombing relationships become serious early on in the relationship even though you might have initially decided to keep it casual or go slow.
Once you have been love-bombed and in a relationship with your love bomber and they feel secure in the relationship, you will start to see their true colors as things change. This person that idealized you will begin becoming controlling, manipulative, and abusive. Often if they sense you have had enough or want to distance yourself or end the relationship, they will start love bombing you again. Giving you attention and gifts or even taking you away on spontaneous romantic vacations or getaways helps them make sure you stay with them.
Love bombing is psychological manipulation; if you think you have been love-bombed, reach out to your support system. Discuss your fears and thoughts with friends and family, start looking for an easy exit plan. If you are worried that things might escalate, make arrangements to leave when they are at work or busy with other activities.
The most important thing is to get out of the situation as smoothly as possible, make sure you are in a safe place, and that you have a support system in place as it isn’t always easy to end a relationship with a narcissist. You can arrange to meet your love-bomber in a public space to officially end the relationship if you need that type of closure. However, try to take someone with you. They can sit at a different table or, at the very least, make sure they know where you are and how long you plan on staying there.
Abuse is abuse; regardless of how it is characterized, things could change in a heartbeat and turn physical. You always need to put yourself first in any situation.
Love bombing is psychological manipulation; if you think you have been love-bombed, reach out to your support system. Discuss your fears and thoughts with friends and family, start looking for an easy exit plan. If you are worried that things might escalate, make arrangements to leave when they are at work or busy with other activities.