What are protocols in BDSM?

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What are protocols in BDSM?

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You will often hear people mention protocols at munches or play parties, maybe even online communities, but very few people actually discuss or talk about their protocols. It is nearly like a secret in some communities or dynamics that are seldomly publicly discussed.

What is a protocol?

A BDSM dynamic or relationship protocol outlines the rules and behaviors allowed in a BDSM dynamic or relationship. Protocols will cover honorifics such as what and how you will address your Dom/me. Protocols will also entail where the submissive is allowed to sit or rooms they are allowed in, what position they should assume when their Dom/me enter a room or how they should pose. Protocols in BDSM often form part of 24/7 D/s relationships.

Typically, a new D/s relationship will establish ground rules for the submissive to follow. This allows the Dom/me to establish authority and control over their submissive. This will enable both partners to steer the relationship in the direction they agreed upon beforehand. Now, if you are in relaxed D/s dynamic protocols are usually more fun and laid back; however, a structured Master/slave relationship will have high protocol dynamics in place. There is no right or wrong way as all dynamics and relationships are different; protocols will be used to guide both partners.

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So how do you establish protocols in your dynamic or relationship?

Both partners will need to sit down together and discuss what they want from the relationship. There are several questions you can ask each other.

  • What does a perfect relationship mean to you; what do you need from each other for it to be perfect? Now bearing in mind, no relationship will ever be perfect, so separate fantasy from reality.
  • What rules will make you a better Dom/me or submissive? We all have insecurities, and setting rules can help you become more secure in who you are, whether by exercising or dressing a certain way for your partner.
  • What can you do to make your partner happier or less stressed? This will often consist of chores or duties around your home like cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
  • How would you like to be addressed? Are honorifics crucial in your everyday dynamic, or are they only reserved for scenes?
  • Do you want your partner to have a say about your job, career path, or studies?

The possibilities are endless once you start talking and questioning what you want out of your relationship. As I mentioned before, you can create rules that work for your relationship; there is no right or wrong way.

Now the Dominant will always have the final say, but submissives also need to be happy in their dynamic and need to have a voice, so always set aside a weekly or monthly time to talk outside the dynamic about what you like or dislike.

Protocols in BDSM should be beneficial to both partners regardless of the power dynamic.

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A BDSM dynamic or relationship protocol outlines the rules and behaviors allowed in a BDSM dynamic or relationship. Protocols will cover honorifics such as what and how you will address your Dom/me. Protocols will also entail where the submissive is allowed to sit or rooms they are allowed in, what position they should assume when their Dom/me enter a room or how they should pose. Protocols often form part of 24/7 D/s relationships.

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