I am submissive; what now?

You realized you are submissive, and now you want to explore the kinky world of BDSM. I know it’s exciting, and all you want to do is meet a Dom/me and explore everything you have been missing out on all this time.

Before jumping into an online relationship or looking for a Dom/me, you first need to understand yourself. If you jump into a BDSM relationship or dynamic too quickly, you are just setting yourself up to be used, hurt and possibly abused.  

A submissive consensually gives over control of their mind and body to a Dom/me. You are putting your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being in their hands. Trust is of the utmost importance, so don’t just jump into a dynamic.

Now that you identify as a submissive, the very first thing you need to do is learn about yourself. You need to understand what you, as a submissive, want to gain from your future dynamics.

It would be best if you did a lot of self-exploring and understanding your hard limits and soft limits so that you can set boundaries for yourself. You will need to create a list of all of these, along with scenes and fantasies you would like to explore.

This is crucial as eventually, when you meet your Dom/me; all these things can be forgotten or overlooked in the excitement of a new dynamic. Create a FetLife account and join some groups, read about BDSM on forums, and join communities. Knowledge is power; the more you understand, the better equipped you will be.

Below are a few things you need to consider before looking for a Dom/me:

• How do you feel about pain, and what are your pain tolerances.
• What fetishes or kinks do you have? What fetishes are you willing to explore in the future.
• What are your fantasies? Do you enjoy CNC, i.e., rape play or abduction? Do you prefer secretary/boss fantasies or threesome/gangbang fantasies?
• What are your hard limits? Anal, medical play, knifeplay, scat, watersports, or humiliation.
• Do you need aftercare, and if you do, what kind of aftercare do you want.
• What kind of Dom/me are you looking for in your dynamic? Do you want your Dom/me experienced? Do you want references from previous submissives?
• Must your Dom/me fit specific criteria,i.e., personality or physical traits that you prefer or want?
• Will this be a sexual or nonsexual dynamic? Are you willing to be one of several submissives serving the Dom/me, or do you want a monogamous relationship/dynamic?

These questions above are just a few things you need to explore and understand about yourself. This is your life, and you are allowing someone to play a significant role in your life. You need to understand what it is that you want, as a submissive and from a dynamic. Always remember that you choose your Dom/me, and you decide when to give consent or withdraw consent. You have just as much say in a BDSM relationship or dynamic.

You might be the submissive, but you ultimately have the final say of who you will submit to and how you will submit to them.

A submissive consensually gives over control of their mind and body to a Dom/me. You are putting your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being in their hands. Trust is of the utmost importance, so don’t just jump into a dynamic.