Reward system in BDSM, when punishments don’t work

Reward system

Reward system in BDSM, when punishments don’t work

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A reward system is often used when you realize that punishments are having an adverse reaction on your sub. Many people struggle with negativity, especially now during the pandemic when it seems the whole world has lost its mind.

Positive reinforcement is a thing, and many people respond really well to it. I have noticed that more and more people are incorporating reward systems into their dynamic. So if you complete your daily tasks and don’t break any rules, you get rewarded instead of being punished if you break the rules.

There are many ways that you can incorporate a reward system into your dynamic, but you need to understand your dynamic and how it will benefit you and your partner.

You need to understand what will work as rewards; are they relationship awards or sexual.  If you have a submissive or are submissive, what type of submissive are you? It might be worth knowing what your love language is; you can take the test here. This way, you know what rewards work best for your submissive.

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Many things could be considered rewards, and you can work out a point system where are a certain amount of points can “buy” rewards. It will encourage them to complete tasks so that they don’t miss out on rewards, as failure to complete tasks will result in missed awards. The system should have a reset period determined by you so that you always strive to complete tasks. Some great ideas I have seen listed as rewards are below:

  • Having your Dom cook your favorite meal for you or get your favorite takeaway.
  • Having a date night with all your favorites like food, movies, and cuddling.
  • Planning a scene for you and your Dom.
  • Sensual touch of your choosing, like having him massage you before a scene and bathing you after a scene.
  • You can have your Dom do the chores you usually do, whether it be cleaning or shopping.
  • You and your Dom can have an outside activity together like hiking or going to a theme park or sporting event together.

Rewards can be based on anything you enjoy doing with your partner; what works for me won’t necessarily work for you, but it at least gives you some ideas as to what you can include into your own rewards system.

The whole idea of a dynamic is that it is something both partners enjoy; you should not feel forced or obligated to do anything. You must want to please your partner and help them become the best version of themselves; it will benefit your partner and benefit your relationship and dynamic.

If you don’t enjoy punishments or make you feel less than speak to your partner, change things up and incorporate a rewards system that will benefit both of you.

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Positive reinforcement is a thing, and many people respond really well to it. I have noticed that more and more people are incorporating reward systems into their dynamic. So if you complete your daily tasks and don’t break any rules, you get rewarded instead of being punished if you break the rules.

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